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Entry tags:
Fic: The No Touching Rule (Make It Or Break It, Ensemble)
Title: The No Touching Rule
Fandom: Make It Or Break It
Character(s): Ensemble (Sasha/Payson)
Word Count: 8495
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Summer wants to teach the girls about abstinence. Lauren wants Summer to marry her dad, Kaylie wants Austin to leave her alone, Payson wants to forget she ever kissed her coach, and Sasha just wants his gym back. (And Payson, maybe.)
Notes: Spoilers up to episode 2:8 - Rock Bottom. Written for the 'embarrassing situation' square for![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
hs_bingo.
The girls are already training by the time Summer gets to the gym, even though she's early; with the World Team trials so close, she sometimes wonders if they ever go home at all. Lauren is there, practicing her beam routine, but she stops when she sees Summer, and hops off with a smile on her face.
"So," Lauren says, and Summer waits, a little warily; she loves Lauren, but she knows that smile. "Have you thought any more about our little plan?"
"Our plan?" Summer asks, momentarily confused.
"You know," Lauren says, and drops her voice to a conspiratorial whisper that's barely less audible. "About you getting back together with my dad."
"Lauren," Summer starts, but Lauren rolls right over her.
"Because I think it's a great idea," Lauren says. "And I know you do, too. Don't you want to be my stepmom?"
Summer wants to tell her that she does - that she wants Lauren - but she can't, not when that means forgiving Steve. It breaks her heart not to, especially when Lauren's standing there, vulnerable and expectant.
"Lauren," she says again. I can't do that is what she should say, but instead, she says, "Maybe we should talk about this."
"Great," Lauren says brightly, and Summer feels terrible for not setting her straight. "But later, because right now Sasha's going to kill me if I don't get back on the beam."
Summer turns around, and sure enough, Sasha's standing a few feet away, watching Lauren carefully. Lauren shoots him a radiant smile, obviously fake, and climbs back onto the beam. Sasha watches her until she slides back into her routine, and smiles at Summer warmly before turning his attention back to the floor.
Summer hesitates, caught between them for a moment, and then makes her way towards Sasha.
"Can I talk to you?" she asks him. He looks over at her, glances back at the girls, and nods, leading the way up the stairs.
"What is it?" he asks, once they're safely in the office.
"There's something I think we need to discuss."
"About the gym?" he asks, and Summer nods before realising that he's not looking at her. Instead, he's looking out the window, his attention fixed on where Payson is readying herself for the vault.
Honestly, sometimes she thinks the girls aren't the only ones who need a break from this place.
"Yes," she says. "Sort of. It's about the girls."
That gets his attention. "What about the girls?"
"If you promise to keep an open mind," she says, and tries not to flinch when his expression hardens, "I'd like to suggest something."
She can't quite tell if Sasha is frowning, or trying not to smile. "I don't suppose this suggestion has anything to do with gymnastics?"
"Does everything around here have to do with gymnastics?" she asks.
"That's the general idea, yes," he says. "This is a gymnastics training facility."
"It's also like a second home for the girls who train here," she says. "Some of them probably spend even more time here than they do at home."
"That's also the general idea," he says.
"Do you really think that's healthy?" That isn't what she really wanted to ask, but it's close. "These girls spend almost their entire waking lives inside this gym, and I can't help thinking that kind of makes us responsible for them."
"Ah," Sasha says, like he sees her point before she's even made it. "And what kind of responsibility are we talking, exactly?"
"The most important kind of responsibility there is," she says. "These girls are young, and impressionable -"
"They're also dedicated gymnasts," he says.
Summer shakes her head; thinks of Lauren, who desperately needs guidance. "Even dedicated gymnasts can get distracted."
"By?" Sasha's stare is challenging, and she meets it without blinking.
"By their families. By their friends. By boys -"
"Boys," he says, as if he should have seen it coming. "I see."
"No," she says. "I don't think you do. You're their coach, not their friend."
"And I suppose you are?" he asks.
"No," she says. "But maybe I am someone they can talk to."
"Lauren didn't seem to have a problem talking to you this morning."
"I don't mean that kind of talking."
"So what kind of talking do you mean?"
Summer takes a deep breath. She's been putting off making her point, but it's now or never. "I think maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea to run through some exercises with the girls."
"So you're a gymnastics coach, then?" Sasha asks. There's no real bite to his words, but they still sting, as if he's making fun of her.
"Not gymnastics exercises," she clarifies, but she thinks she probably didn't have to. He isn't stupid; he has to know what she's getting at. "More like ... social exercises."
Sasha lets out a deep, coarse laugh. "You mean religious exercises."
"Not exactly -"
"This isn't Sunday school," he says.
"I wasn't suggesting -"
"I don't know if you've noticed," he continues, right over her, "but I actually have a few more pressing concerns here than making sure my gymnasts know their Bible verses."
"And you obviously haven't noticed what's going on with some of your gymnasts," she says, and takes a breath to steady herself. She isn't trying to fight with him, and even if she were, this is hardly the place for it. "And I'm not talking about the Bible. I'm talking about the girls' wellbeing."
"And I'm talking about my athletes," he says, putting emphasis on the word, "making the World Team. So, unless that's what you want to talk about, I'd say this conversation is over."
"Fine," she says. "Then I guess it's over."
And then she glances out the window, at Lauren, now practicing on the uneven bars.
"For now."
-
"What do you think that was about?" Lauren asks.
Kaylie ignores her, or tries to, but Lauren's already broken her concentration.
"I don't know," she says, halting her routine. Almost despite herself, she follows Lauren's gaze to where Summer's stalking out of the office, and back up to Sasha, standing in the doorway. "It's probably none of our business."
"How do you know that?" Lauren asks. It comes out even more snappy than usual, and Lauren's frowning, like she's worried about something. If Kaylie cared, she'd ask, but she doesn't, so.
"Because if it was," she says instead, "they'd be telling us about it."
Lauren hesitates, and it's all the opportunity Kaylie needs to climb onto the beam, taking a deep breath and trying to put Lauren out of her mind. It doesn't work out quite as well as she hoped, especially not when Carter walks in, his expression cold as he glances briefly at Lauren and then away again, his mouth set like he's deliberately ignoring her.
Kaylie doesn't want to ask. She's over it, she's over both of them, but -
"What's all that about?" she asks, and hates herself for it. "I thought you two were together now."
"We are," Lauren says, a little too quickly. "Besides, I thought you didn't care."
"I don't," she says.
"Fine," Lauren snaps, and before Kaylie can bother to respond, she's gone, marching away in the opposite direction from Carter.
Kaylie tries to forget about that, too, tells herself she doesn't care about Lauren and Carter. It works - at least for a little while, until her concentration slips and she can feel herself wobbling, and she tells herself it's just Lauren's drama distracting her. She finishes her routine, a little shakily, and hops off to see Austin standing in front of her, the same look on his face that he had when he told her he was worried about her.
The same look he had when he kissed her, but she's not thinking about that, either.
"Nice routine," he says, but his expression doesn't change. "You looked a little shaky on the dismount."
"Yeah, well, you can blame that on Lauren," she says, and then wishes she hadn't. His gaze shifts from her to Lauren, considering, but at least it's better than asking her if she's eaten today. "Anyway, I'm trying out some new stuff for Worlds."
"Want to talk about it?" he asks, and she doesn't think he's talking about the competition.
She shakes her head. "No, I don't want to talk about it."
"You sure?"
"I'm sure," she says, and breezes past him. Her shoulder brushes his arm as she does, and it's totally unintentional; he was just standing in her way. "There's absolutely nothing that I want to talk to you about."
She doesn't look around to see if that hurt, and she tells herself she doesn't care.
-
"Lauren."
Lauren stops, frozen on her dismount, and smiles at Summer. She knew Summer would come around. Summer and her dad are perfect for each other, it makes total sense that they'd still be in love.
"Is this a good time to talk?"
Lauren glances around the gym. Sasha's totally engrossed in Payson's routine, not even looking at anyone else, like he's barely even aware they're there. Perfect.
"Of course," she says, moving with Summer so they're standing off to one side of the floor. "What's up?"
Summer bites her lip, and Lauren falters, for a second; that doesn't look like the face of someone who's totally in love. Then she says, "I wanted to talk about what you told me the other day."
Oh. That. That is so not what Lauren wants to talk about at all.
"What about it?" she asks.
"Lauren, I'm worried about -"
"Thank you so much for talking to my dad, by the way. I know I should have told him, but I was just so scared, and I didn't want to get Chloe in trouble -"
"It's not Chloe Kmetko that I'm worried about," Summer says. "Lauren, I thought that when you and I talked about this -"
"I said I wasn't ready to have sex, I know," she says. "But then you left, and my dad started dating Emily's mom, and I just - I didn't have anyone to turn to. That's why I need you to marry my dad."
"You can always turn to me," Summer says. "Whether or not I'm married to your dad."
Okay, so this so isn't going the way Lauren wanted it to. "It's not the same."
"Yes, it is," Summer says. "I may not be with your father any more, but I'll always be in your life."
"Yeah," Lauren says, and she doesn't have to fake the disappointment in her voice. "Whatever. I've got to get back to training."
"Lauren -"
"I appreciate the concern," she tosses back over her shoulder. She's not that upset; maybe she just twisted her ankle or whatever on beam this morning, it really hurts. "But Sasha's riding us pretty hard, and he'll be really mad if he sees me talking to you instead of training."
That's not true - Sasha is still helping Payson, and she doubts he's even looked up - but it gets her out of this stupid conversation she never even wanted to have, so. Whatever.
The last thing she needs right now is to have another person tell her exactly why they don't love her.
-
"That was good, Payson," Sasha says, stepping forward onto the mat. "But you need to make sure your arms are fully extended."
He takes another step forward, reaching to help her, and freezes; just for a second, but Payson steps back, out of his reach. Her expression, full of embarrassment and rejection, hits him like a punch to the gut, and he looks away. At Kaylie, still practicing her beam routine, far too unsteady for his liking; at Lauren, stalking across the floor with a scowl on her face, and Summer behind her, looking as concerned as she'd been in the office.
When he looks back at Payson, she's smiling grimly, practicing her extensions as if nothing just happened, except for the way she won't quite meet his eyes.
"Payson," he says, and moves forward again; she doesn't take a step back, but she looks as though she's considering it. "About what happened yesterday -"
"It didn't mean anything," she says, before he can finish. She sounds resolute, determined, and he'd like to think his stomach didn't sink a little. "And it won't happen again. I just want to focus on my training."
"Okay," he says slowly. And it is okay; it's more than okay, it's great, it's exactly what he wanted to hear.
"Okay," she says. "So, things don't have to be awkward between us."
She says it almost like it's a question, and he shakes his head, hurrying to reassure her. "No awkwardness, I promise."
"Okay," she says again; this time, like she believes it. "Great. So, show me how I need to do my extensions."
He smiles, closing the distance between them, and places his hands firmly on her shoulders. Payson returns the smile, relaxing into his touch, and he tells himself, firmly, that there's nothing going on here, that it's no different touching her now than it's ever been.
Secretly, he wonders if maybe that's what he's so afraid of.
-
Summer finds him again just as he's about to head back to the floor, and Sasha looks up from the paperwork he was only half concentrating on.
"Summer," he says evenly. And maybe he's the one who should be apologising here, but it's all he can do to keep from shutting her down before she's even said anything, which is far less than she deserves.
"Hi," she says. "Can we talk?"
He wants to tell her that he's busy, that he should be getting back to the girls, that he's heard her argument already. He nods instead; maybe the least he can do is to hear her out.
"I'd like you to reconsider my suggestion."
"Forget it," he says. Maybe it's not exactly hearing her out, and maybe he could have been a little gentler about it - he doesn't miss the hurt look that flashes across her face - but it's still a bad idea. And Summer doesn't back down easily, so he needs to make his position clear.
"Sasha," she says. "These girls need someone to talk to."
"We tried that, remember?" he asks. For all that, he's not sure how much good it did; mostly, he doesn't think he really wants to know. "What they do with it now is out of our hands."
"That's exactly my point," she says. "We need to take it back into our hands. I'm really worried about some of these girls."
Sasha stops, at that. She can't be talking about Payson; that, he thinks, would be a whole other conversation, and probably not one he wants to have. "Is there something I should know?"
Summer doesn't quite meet his gaze, and he tries not to read too much into it. He never really figured her for keeping secrets.
"Is this about Lauren?" he asks. "I saw you talking to her earlier. If there's something I should be aware of -"
"This isn't just about Lauren," she says. "The girls are at a very vulnerable stage in their lives. I just want them to know there are other options."
"They have other options," he says. "They're called gymnastics."
"Sasha -"
"Summer, these girls need to focus."
"That's exactly my point," she says. "Rules are one thing, Sasha, but these are teenage girls -"
"These are world class gymnasts."
"Who are sixteen years old," she says. "And don't give me that famous gymnast self-discipline line again. I think we both know how well that turned out."
Of their own accord, his eyes track across the gym to where Payson is practicing her beam routine, and he turns back to Summer sharply.
She has a point, and it kills him to admit it.
"My girls are focused," he says. Even to his own ears, it sounds weak, like he's trying to convince himself. "They don't need any more distractions."
"This isn't a distraction," she says. She's wrong about that - so close to the World Team trials, the girls can't afford the time off practice - but maybe she's not wrong about everything.
Scratch that. Even through the glass, he can feel Payton's presence on the floor, wants to turn around and look at her. To watch her practice, to make sure she's comfortable with the new routine, but still - Summer definitely isn't wrong about everything.
"All right," he says, and Summer opens her mouth, her stance set like they're still arguing, before it seems to dawn on her that he's given in.
"All right?" she repeats, like she doesn't quite believe him. "You mean, you're going to let me do this with the girls?"
"Are you going to stop asking me if I say no?" he counters.
Summer's expression tells him all he needs to know.
"There you have it, then," he says. "Maybe it won't be all that bad for them to reinforce their self-control."
Maybe they aren't the only ones who need to.
-
"Is he kidding?"
Payson looks over at Lauren, who's stretching half-heartedly, paying more attention to Carter than to her exercises and trying to look like she isn't. "Is Sasha usually kidding?"
Lauren rolls her eyes, finally looking back at Payson. "We can't afford to just take a day off training."
"Some of us can't," Kaylie says pointedly. She isn't even bothering to pretend to stretch.
"I'm pretty sure this wasn't Sasha's idea," Emily says, before Payson can.
Lauren switches her glare from Kaylie to Emily. "Then whose idea was it?"
Emily looks up at the office, and they all follow her gaze. Up to Summer.
"Whose do you think?" Kaylie asks. "We're taking the whole morning off training to talk about abstinence."
Payson looks at her, and then at Lauren, who's got a weird expression on her face. Even Payson thinks she probably knows what that's about, and she sends a silent plea to Kaylie not to push it.
Kaylie must not have been listening.
"Of course," she says, "I can think of some people who need that talk more than others."
"All right," Payson breaks in, before they can start a full-on catfight in the middle of the gym. "I think we can all agree that this is a bad idea, right?"
"Right," Emily, Kaylie, and Lauren all echo.
"But what are we going to do about it?" Emily asks, and Payson takes a deep breath.
"I'm going to talk to Sasha."
"Do you really think he's going to listen?" Kaylie asks.
Payson shrugs. "We have to do something."
Besides, Sasha can't be any happier with this than they are.
She takes a deep breathing as she approaches him, standing off to one side of the floor, and he looks over at her expectantly.
"Payson," he says. "What can I do for you?"
It's not that she's hesitant about talking to him; maybe, she thinks, she should just approach this slowly.
"I still need to work on my extensions," she says. "I thought maybe we could do it this morning?"
His expression doesn't change, but there's a flicker of something in his eyes. "Payson," he says. "You know we have Summer's talk scheduled for this morning."
"But I need -"
"We'll work on your routine this afternoon," he says. "I promise."
"Sasha."
"This afternoon," he says again. His tone is firm, and so is his stance, facing her, his hands on his hips. Not backing down.
Payson doesn't back down, either.
"I can't afford to miss training," she says. "Worlds are just around the corner, and I need to be perfect. I need to be better than perfect."
"You are perfect," he says, and for a minute, her heart almost stops. It's stupid, and she pushes it out of her head.
"My routine -"
"You know your routine," he says. "Payson, you're ready."
She wants to argue more, wants to tell him that he's wrong, but the thing is - she feels ready. She is ready. And Sasha's been right there with her the whole time, so he knows it, too.
"I don't need to go to Summer's talk," she says, and her voice is less certain, now. "I thought that yesterday -"
Sasha flinches, almost, and takes a step towards her, lowering his voice.
"Payson," he says. "Do you think this is about you?"
Honestly, right now, she doesn't know what to think.
"What happened," he says, and his voice sounds every bit as uncertain as hers, "wasn't your fault. That isn't what this is about."
"Really?" she asks, still uncertain.
"Really," he says.
"So, I can keep training?"
"Not a chance," he says, but he's almost smiling.
"But -"
"Payson."
"This is ridiculous," she mutters. She doesn't expect Sasha to hear her, and she definitely doesn't expect him to respond.
"Be that as it may," he says, "this is mandatory. For all of us."
Payson stops. "Us?"
Sasha's half-smile twists into something else, something far less amused. It wasn't just a slip of the tongue, then.
"So," she says slowly, "we're in this together?"
And then he smiles again - a real smile, this time - and leans in, even though there's no-one around them close enough to hear. "Always."
-
"Any luck?" Emily asks, but she doesn't need to wait for Payson to shake her head before she knows the answer. Sasha is still just standing there, not ordering anyone to get back to training, and if that weren't strange enough, the look on Payson's face - still determined, but almost smiling, now - would be.
"Sasha says it's mandatory," Payson says, and Emily can't understand why she doesn't look more pissed off about it. "For everyone."
"Great," Lauren says, and Emily doesn't bother to turn around and look at her. She's put up with enough crap from Lauren to last a lifetime, she thinks, and now that their parents have split up, there's no reason she has to, any more.
"Do you think it's going to be bad?" she asks Payson instead.
Payson shrugs. "Let's just get this over with, okay, guys?"
She's talking to all of them, not just to Emily. Emily nods, but there's no response from Kaylie or Lauren.
"Look," Payson says, "I know this sucks. But the faster we get through it, the sooner we can get back to training."
"All right," Kaylie says, but she doesn't sound happy about it. Resigned, maybe. Once Sasha decides something, there's not really much hope of changing his mind.
And if Payson couldn't do it, then no-one can.
"Fine," Lauren says finally, and Payson nods, as if it's decided.
Emily takes a deep breath. This is going to be a long day.
-
Kaylie tries to look busy when Austin approaches her. Not that she wasn't busy already, not like she has nothing better to do all day than watch him, but, well. She doesn't want him thinking she's interested in him, even if it's not true.
"So," he says, when he reaches her. "Want to do it with me?"
Kaylie turns around to face him, her stomach churning. "What?"
"The activity," he says, smiling like he knows exactly what he said. "We need a partner."
"Oh," she says, wishing she couldn't feel her cheeks getting hot. "Right. Fine, whatever."
"Your enthusiasm is practically contagious," he says, leaning in so he's practically whispering it. It doesn't help her stop blushing.
"I'm not the only one who's probably contagious," she says, and at least that makes him pull back.
"Harsh, Cruz," he says, and raises his eyebrows suggestively. "So, want to do it with me?"
Kaylie rolls her eyes. "We're supposed to be practicing pick-up lines, and that's the best you've got? Really, Austin, I'm disappointed."
"Actually," he says, "I think we're supposed to be practicing refusal techniques."
Right. Which is about as stupid, if you ask her.
"Well," she says, "in that case, I think I'm done. I don't need any practice refusing you."
"No," he agrees. "You seem to do just fine on your own. Which is great for my ego, by the way."
"I could care less about your ego," she says. "Besides, it could use some deflating."
"In that case," he says, "you're going to have to do a lot better than that."
"Fine," she says, like she's taking him up on a challenge. "Let's just do this, okay?"
"Sorry," he says. "I can't, I'm fully committed to my gymnastics."
Kaylie laughs. "Now that's funny."
She expects Austin to have some comeback for that, but instead, he just shrugs. "You think I won Olympic gold by just screwing around?"
"Define screwing around," she says. "And yes, that's pretty much exactly what I think."
"You don't know me as well as you think you do," he says.
She could tell him the same thing.
He leans closer again, and this time, she tries not to let it bother her. "Maybe we should do something about that."
"Maybe you should get out of my face," she says.
If it stings, it doesn't show on his expression. "Or maybe I should just kiss you again."
Kaylie can't help looking around, even though he said it quietly enough that nobody could have overheard.
"And maybe," she says, "I should remind you about Sasha's no dating rule."
"Kissing isn't dating," he says, as if it's not against the rules just the same. "Besides, I thought you liked me."
"I think you like yourself enough for both of us."
"That wasn't a denial," he points out.
"Do you really want me to say it?" she asks.
He shrugs. "Not really."
Okay, then.
Besides, she isn't entirely convinced it wouldn't be a lie.
"For the record," he says, "I'm not just messing with you."
Kaylie stops, caught short with whatever retort she'd half-prepared, and studies his expression. His usual smirk is gone; if she didn't know better, she'd almost say he was serious.
"Whatever," she says. "It doesn't matter to me, either way."
"Doesn't it?" he asks.
There's an easy comeback to that one, but she doesn't have it. No sticks in the back of her throat.
"How about we make a deal?" he asks. "Come on a date with me, and I'll try to tone down my ego."
"And what do I get out of that?" she asks.
He grins. "You might actually have fun."
"Not much chance of that."
"Yeah, but you won't know until you try it."
It should be easy to say no; it's just one word, two letters, and it's right on the tip of her tongue.
She hesitates, just the same.
And then Austin's smirk is back, wider than ever. "I knew I could get you."
"Wait," she says. She hates being confused, and somehow, she doesn't think they're talking about the same thing, any more. "What?"
He waves a hand around the gym, and - she gets it. He's talking about whatever stupid activity they're supposed to be doing.
"I win," he says.
"I never said yes," she says, and she can feel herself blushing all over again. And then, before he can say anything else, "And I wasn't going to."
"Sure," he says. "Keep telling yourself that."
Kaylie hates him. She hates that stupid, smug expression on his face, and his stupid kisses and picnic dates, and the way his eyes still look like he's being serious.
But most of all, she hates that she nearly fell for it.
-
Lauren doesn't look around for Carter when they have to partner up, and not because she's worried that he won't want to be her partner. She's the one who doesn't want to see him; he couldn't tell her he loved he when it really mattered, and now it's too late.
She grabs Josh, instead, flatly turns him down when he tries about a hundred ways of inviting her to go make out in his car, and ignores him when he says yes to her fake proposition.
See, she can do this chastity thing, after all.
Still, she's glad when Summer calls for them to stop, and not just because Josh's breath is kind of rank. She catches Summer's eye as they all gather again, puts on her best smile, even though she's not really feeling it, and waits.
"That was really great, everybody," Summer says. Lauren moves as far away from Josh as she can; he's still looking at her. Pervert. "Now we're going to try something a little different. It's one thing to be able to say no, and it's great that you all can."
Lauren tries not to notice when Kaylie glances back at her, and she deliberately doesn't look at Carter.
"But it's also important," Summer continues, "to know why you should say no. I know that Sasha would tell you it's because you're gymnasts, and it's not allowed, and it'll damage your careers. And that's all true, and they're very good reasons to say no. But you also need to believe that saying no is the right thing to do, for yourselves."
She looks at Lauren, then, and Lauren can't quite look away.
"You need to believe that you're worth waiting for."
Right. So, this isn't embarrassing at all. At least nobody except Summer is looking at her, nobody except Summer can see the way her cheeks are probably turning a super unflattering shade of pink.
"I'd like a volunteer," Summer says, "to talk about a situation that's relevant to them. Something that's happened in your lives. Don't worry, we're not here to judge you."
Lauren sits back, relieved that Summer's not looking at her any more. She crosses her fingers that Josh doesn't volunteer; if she has to listen to his stupid, grating voice for even one more second -
"Lauren?"
Well, so much for being out of the spotlight.
I thought you liked the spotlight, says a voice in her head. It sounds a lot like Kaylie.
"Um," she says. It's not just Summer looking at her now. "No, that's okay. But thanks."
"Lauren," Summer says. "It's okay."
It's not okay, and Lauren waits for anyone to come take the attention off her.
Nothing happens.
"Fine," she says, but doesn't stand up. This is humiliating enough already. "There was this guy who I liked."
Half the people in the room turn to look at Carter, and she blushes even harder.
"Anyway," she says; maybe she can just get this over with. "He taught me that saying yes isn't worth it. It won't make people respect you, and it won't make boys like you, and it'll just make your best friend hate you, and everyone lies anyway so what's the point?"
She takes a deep breath, her cheeks burning. Maybe she should have just kept her mouth shut, even if everyone was staring, because this is way worse.
She's really, really glad she didn't stand up.
"Hypothetically," she finishes lamely.
"All right," Summer says, after a moment of silence that could have shattered glass. "Thank you, Lauren. I'm sure that's something we should all think about."
Summer doesn't look at Carter, and she definitely doesn't look at Kaylie. She doesn't need to see their expressions right now.
Suddenly, the last activity with Josh doesn't seem like it was so bad any more.
-
"Well," Sasha says, once he and Summer have a moment alone. "That was certainly interesting."
"I know what you're going to say," Summer says, "but don't. I think that was really healthy for her."
"Which part?" he asks. "The part where I had to listen to the dating habits of two of my gymnasts? Or perhaps the part where she humiliated herself in front of all her teammates."
"She didn't humiliate herself," she says.
"No, I suppose you did that for her."
It's going too far, and he knows it as soon as he says it. He rakes a hand across his forehead, wishing he could start the last three days over.
"I'm sorry," he says. "This was my fault."
"Sasha -"
"It's a bad idea, and I should never have allowed it."
Summer looks even more hurt by that, he thinks.
"I know you're not very religious," she says. He thinks possibly that's putting it a little too mildly. "But I thought you understood where I was coming from."
"I understand where you're coming from," he assures her. "I'm just not sure I'm coming from the same place."
"So why did you agree to it?"
He doesn't even know the answer to that. Except -
"Honestly," he says, "I couldn't tell you."
That much is true, at least.
"So," she says, "where do we go from here?"
"We go back down there," he says. He knows it's not what she meant, but this isn't the time or the place for that conversation. "I don't suppose I could convince you to call this whole thing off?"
Summer's silence is all the answer he needs, and he nods, resigned.
Back on the floor, he watches the girls as Summer talks. They're still smiling, but barely, and not at all in a way that looks convincing. They're as tired of this as he is, it seems, and he thinks that maybe he should have tried harder to end it; maybe he should have just said no to Summer.
The thought strikes him as being particularly ironic.
They gather into pairs, again, and he can see the silent shuffle as social hierarchies are delineated. Perhaps, he thinks, Summer's activities aren't doing the kind of good she thinks they are, not if this is the kind of behaviour they're reinforcing. His gaze sweeps across the room until it reaches Payson, standing to one side of the crowd. She hasn't got a partner, and doesn't seem to be looking for one; instead, she simply looks uncomfortable, like maybe she's hoping nobody will notice her if she stands still enough.
It reminds him, all too sharply, of the way she'd looked after her accident, when she'd walked back into The Rock, not sure if she belonged. He hated seeing her like that then, and he hates it again now.
Later, he'll tell himself it's the only reason he approaches her, the only reason for what happens next.
"Need a partner?" he asks, and he knows it's a bad idea almost as soon as the words are out of his mouth. Still, there's no taking them back now, and besides - as much as he'd like to pretend otherwise, he doesn't quite regret making the offer.
Payson looks surprised, for a second, and then smiles.
"Thanks," she says. "There aren't really enough guys here, and saying no to Emily just isn't much of a challenge."
She hesitates, then, seeming to realise what she just said, and Sasha raises an eyebrow.
"Um," she says. "Not that saying no to you would be a challenge."
He tries not to let that hurt - it shouldn't hurt - but she must read something in his expression, anyway.
"I didn't mean," she starts, and then, "I mean, not that saying no to anybody would be a challenge. I'm not interested in boys."
"That's good to hear," he says. To his ears, his voice sounds a little choked. "So, shall we?"
He realises, too late, that he wasn't actually paying attention to what it is they're supposed to be doing, and he has to look around for clues. At first he's just confused, and then as he starts to make sense of what's going on around them, it strikes him that it may, in fact, have been a spectacularly bad idea to partner with Payson for this particular activity.
"Oh," he says. "You know what, maybe -"
"Here," Lauren says then, and how she happened to choose this very moment to interrupt, Sasha doesn't know. But then, her ability to stir up trouble has always been uncanny. "You'll need this."
"A balloon?" Payson asks, clearly confused. Obviously she hasn't noticed what the other couples are doing.
"I blew it up for you and everything," Lauren says, like she's running down his list of possible excuses and eliminating them one by one. "Have fun."
"What are we supposed to do with this?" Payson asks, after Lauren leaves. And then she glances around them, and he could swear she blushes just a little. "Oh."
"Yeah," Sasha says. He'd like to think he sounds a little less embarrassed by it than she does, but that probably isn't true. "We don't have to - I mean, if you'd like, we can just sit this one out."
He expects her to agree. He wants her to agree, he tells himself. Repeatedly, on the off chance it will start to sink in. Instead, she says, "I thought this was mandatory."
"Yes," he says. "Well. I might be willing to make an exception."
Payson looks scandalised - comically so, and he realises that she's mocking him. "And what kind of example would we be setting?"
"You make a fair point," he says. And the thing is, he knows she's only kidding, that he could easily get out of this if he wanted to. But this is so comfortable, so familiar, that he finds he doesn't want to end it. "I suppose we wouldn't want to set a bad example for the girls."
"Of course not," she agrees. But somewhere underneath her easy smile, he thinks she knows more than he was trying to say.
"So, then, I guess we should -"
"Right," she says, with an odd blend of what seems to be nervousness and enthusiasm. "Okay, so - how do we do this?"
And the thing is, Sasha isn't sure. Intellectually, he knows they could just put the balloon between them and go, but he's well aware that there's more to this than simple mechanics.
"Well," he says, after a pause that's just a beat too long, and not quite uncomfortable, "it might help if you stood a little closer."
"Oh," Payson says, as if she's just realised she's standing three feet away. She steps forward immediately, reacting to his latest suggestion the way she does every other. "Okay. Better?"
Sasha nods, not quite trusting himself to speak.
"So," she says, and reaches out to take the balloon from him. "I guess we just -"
He can almost feel the latex of the balloon through his shirt, and it squeaks a little as Payson shifts, getting comfortable. The sound is impossibly loud in his ears, but nobody else looks around, so perhaps his perception is a little warped. It wouldn't be the only thing that is.
Payson's smiling a little, as if at some private joke, and he supposes it is funny, if you look at it from a certain angle. If he could pretend this was all just a game, that some part of him didn't just want to pop the balloon between them, he'd probably think it was funny, too.
"So, what now?" she asks. "Do we just stand here?"
That in itself would be bad enough, but unfortunately, he doesn't think that's quite the end of it.
"I think the aim is to, uh." He pauses, stumbling over the words, and wishing he weren't. "Not touch one another."
"We aren't touching now," Payson points out.
He's acutely aware of that.
"Yes," he says, because if he can't get himself under control, at least he can make light of it. "But we aren't trying hard enough."
"To not touch?" she asks. Her tone is dry, but her expression is distinctly amused. And that's good; if she can see the humour in this, so can he.
"Exactly," he says.
"Well, I guess we can't have that."
At first, it's little more than a joke; watching the people around them, mirroring their actions. He pretends the hairs on his arms don't stand up when her fingers ghost over them; her hands hover over his shoulder, his chest, and neither of them are smiling any more. There's a static charge in the air, like electricity, that he blames entirely on the balloon.
And then Payson sighs, pulling her hands back. "This is stupid," she says, and the tension between them seems to snap. "I don't even get it."
"I think the goal is to practice restraint." His voice is unsteady; it's definitely working.
"But it's ridiculous," she says, ever blunt. "You touch me all the time."
"I touch you as your coach," he says. It doesn't make it sound much better. "It's entirely different."
"No, it's not," she says. "You're still my coach."
"I think the point here might be to pretend I'm a man."
Payson rolls her eyes. "Of course you're a man, Sasha. I'm not blind."
"Oh?" he asks. And he can't help smirking, a little, though he'd stop if he could.
He meant to tease her a little, but she goes bright red. "That's not what I meant."
He's not sure what she did mean, or what he's implying she meant. What he does know is that this conversation is veering towards some very unsteady ground.
And he should put a stop to it. Definitely.
"I know what you meant," he says, and reaches out to her, taking her wrist lightly in his hand. Payson seems surprised, but she doesn't look away.
"Hey," she says. "We're not supposed to be touching, remember?"
"Yes, well," he says. "Just don't tell anyone."
It makes his stomach twist uncomfortably, but there it is.
-
Kaylie ignores Austin when he approaches her, balloon, in hand; she grabs the nearest guy she can find, instead, and tells herself she doesn't care if he keeps sneaking jealous looks over at them. If Austin thinks he's so great, he can practice not touching himself.
By the time Summer calls them all back again, she feels like she's been training all day, even though it's still only mid-morning and she hasn't even set foot on an apparatus. At least this is the last time, or so Summer says, and Kaylie lets out a low, relieved sigh. She's trying to get rid of all the drama in her life, to focus on her gymnastics, and none of this is helping.
She tunes Summer out, running through her floor routine in her head instead - at least maybe this way she can get something semi-productive done this morning - so she's surprised when she realises that everybody is looking at her, and that nobody is talking, any more.
"Kaylie," Summer says, as if it's not the first time she's called her name. "Would you like to run through the script?"
"Um," she says. "Yeah, sure." It's better than admitting she has no idea what Summer is talking about; she's half afraid that if she does that, she'll end up having to miss a whole day of training, instead.
"Great," Summer says. "And -"
"What about Carter?"
It's Lauren, obviously, and Kaylie shoots her a glare that Lauren flatly ignores.
Summer looks stuck, as if she knows exactly why that's a bad idea but not how she can get out of it without making the whole thing really awkward, and eventually she says, "Fine. Carter?"
Carter doesn't look at Kaylie as he takes a script. He does shoot a dirty look at Lauren, and Kaylie's not even sure if that makes her happy or not.
"All right," Summer says. Her cheerfulness is beginning to slip, Kaylie thinks. "Carter, whenever you're ready."
Kaylie rolls her eyes, and prepares to just get this whole thing over and done with. And then Carter begins to speak.
"The relationship was going great," he says. And then he does look at Kaylie. She wishes he hadn't. "And we never planned to do the things we did. Neither one of us, but we thought we were in love."
He sounds bored, more than anything else. That's good. She can get through this, if it doesn't mean anything.
"And love's a big word," she reads. She feels a little sick to her stomach, but she doesn't falter. "We said it early."
"And often," Carter picks up. "I loved her. I really thought I did. Nothing -"
"Would ever come between us." Kaylie swallows, bile rising in her throat. If she'd eaten anything for breakfast, she thinks she'd be vomiting right now. She can't handle this, not now, not after everything that's happened. It's just cruel.
She looks over at Carter, sending him a silent plea to stop this, but he isn't looking at her.
"But it was as if the bridge between us came down," he says.
"And we lost everything."
That one, they're supposed to say together, except it's totally out of sync. Typical, she thinks, and takes a breath, reading slowly.
"It's crazy how the mind works when you think you've met the one you want to spend the rest of your life with -"
She stops, then. She can't do this, she can't sit here and say these stupid words and pretend that it's all just some script, that none of it means anything. Ignoring the tears welling up in her eyes, ignoring the stares of everybody in the gym, Kaylie stands up and runs.
She doesn't hear anyone follow her, but she does hear Lauren's voice calling out to her a minute later. Great. That's just what she needs right now.
"Kaylie," Lauren says again, and Kaylie turns, blinking back tears.
"Go away," she says. "I really don't want to talk to you right now."
"Look -"
"Save it, okay? I don't need to hear whatever you have to say."
Lauren stops, looking almost hurt - at least, as much as Lauren is probably capable of feeling actual human emotions - but what she says is, "I'm sorry."
It's not what Kaylie expected.
"You're sorry?" she asks. She almost has to try not to laugh. "That's rich, coming from you."
Lauren doesn't deny the accusation. "That's not what I meant to happen, I swear."
"Then why did you do it?"
For a minute, Lauren doesn't say anything. And then she says, "I don't know. I guess I wasn't thinking."
"You mean, you weren't thinking about anyone besides yourself," Kaylie says.
"Maybe not," Lauren says. "And you can hate me, if you want."
"What makes you think I don't already?" she asks.
"Okay," Lauren says. "Fine. But I am sorry."
"About what?" Kaylie asks. "Sleeping with my boyfriend, or lying to me about it? Or dating Carter after you knew I wanted him back? Or how about humiliating me back there?"
"About everything," Lauren says. She sounds sincere, but Kaylie won't let herself buy it. "You have every reason to hate me, and that's okay, I'm used to it."
And then, so low Kaylie almost doesn't hear, "You wouldn't be the only one who does."
Kaylie can't forgive Lauren; she tells herself Lauren doesn't even deserve another chance. But they've been friends practically forever, and she can't make herself turn that off, either.
"You need to stop doing the things you do," she says. "Lauren -"
"You sound like Carter," Lauren says.
Kaylie sucks in a breath. "Can we not talk about Carter right now?"
"Right," Lauren says. "Sorry."
Kaylie waits, trying to force the words out, and finally says, "I'm sorry, too."
"What for?" Lauren asks.
"For not forgiving you," she says. "I keep holding it against you, and I'm trying not to."
"Yeah," Lauren says. "Well, apparently you're not trying very hard."
"You don't exactly make it easy, either," she says, and Lauren stops whatever it is she was about to say. Right now, Kaylie's pretty sure they're both right. Or both wrong, whatever.
"I know," Lauren says, instead.
"Okay," Kaylie says. "So, maybe we can both try harder."
Lauren almost smiles, and Kaylie has to remind herself to hold back; they're still not friends, not the way they used to be. But maybe, if they try hard enough, they can get back there.
-
"Okay," Summer says. "Fine, you can let me have it."
"What?" Sasha asks. The girls - all of them - are finally on the floor again, finally doing actual gymnastics, and it's a decent distraction. Since they've lost the entire morning, they need to work extra hard to catch up, which means he can't afford to pay any more attention to Payson than to any of them.
"This morning," she says. "You told me it was a bad idea, and I should have listened."
"Oh," he says; frankly, he's a little surprised. "That's all right."
"All right?" she asks. "It was practically a disaster."
"Well," he says, turning his attention away from Lauren on the uneven bars. "I suppose a couple of the activities were a little ..."
"Catastrophic?"
"Ill-advised."
"Sasha," she says. "At least two of the girls were practically in tears. In public."
"All right, it wasn't exactly a commendable outcome, I'll grant you," he says. "But it's over now."
"Is that really the best thing you can say about it?" she asks.
It's not, but he can't exactly tell Summer that. He looks over at Payson, practicing her floor routine flawlessly. Her extensions are perfect, now, and he tries not to regret the lost excuse to touch her.
"That's what I thought," Summer says, when he doesn't answer her. It brings him sharply back to the moment, and he tears his eyes away from Payson.
"Summer," he says, before she can leave. "I do understand what you were trying to do."
"Right," she says. "You just don't agree with it."
"I," he starts, but he can't really argue with her.
"That's all right," she says. "We'll talk later?"
"Yeah," he says. His stomach feels a little heavy, as if he already knows what's coming.
"All right," Summer says, and gives him a small smile before she turns away.
As much as he feels like he should dwell on that, he can't help turning back towards Payson. She's looking over at him now, smiling brightly, and his feet seem to move almost without him telling them to, until he's standing right in front of her.
"Did you see that?" she asks. "I think it's really coming together."
"I saw it," he assures her. "Payson, I told you you were ready."
"Yeah," she says, as if she's just starting to believe it. "Sasha -"
There's a moment's pause, and he thinks she steps a little closer. Or maybe he does.
"Thank you so much," she says.
"Don't thank me," he says. "You did this, Payson. You."
"And I couldn't have done any of it without you," she says. Her words are innocent enough, but there's still a charge in the air, as if that damn balloon is still between them. He thinks, almost amused, no touching.
"I think I'm going to run through it again," she says, putting distance between them easily, as if whatever he might be feeling is only in his head. But her expression, he thinks, tells a different story. "Will you watch?"
"Of course," he says. "We're in this together, remember?"
Payson smiles even wider, moving to the centre of the mat, as if she's comfortable there, now.
"Always," she says, and begins.
Fandom: Make It Or Break It
Character(s): Ensemble (Sasha/Payson)
Word Count: 8495
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Summer wants to teach the girls about abstinence. Lauren wants Summer to marry her dad, Kaylie wants Austin to leave her alone, Payson wants to forget she ever kissed her coach, and Sasha just wants his gym back. (And Payson, maybe.)
Notes: Spoilers up to episode 2:8 - Rock Bottom. Written for the 'embarrassing situation' square for
hs_bingo.The girls are already training by the time Summer gets to the gym, even though she's early; with the World Team trials so close, she sometimes wonders if they ever go home at all. Lauren is there, practicing her beam routine, but she stops when she sees Summer, and hops off with a smile on her face.
"So," Lauren says, and Summer waits, a little warily; she loves Lauren, but she knows that smile. "Have you thought any more about our little plan?"
"Our plan?" Summer asks, momentarily confused.
"You know," Lauren says, and drops her voice to a conspiratorial whisper that's barely less audible. "About you getting back together with my dad."
"Lauren," Summer starts, but Lauren rolls right over her.
"Because I think it's a great idea," Lauren says. "And I know you do, too. Don't you want to be my stepmom?"
Summer wants to tell her that she does - that she wants Lauren - but she can't, not when that means forgiving Steve. It breaks her heart not to, especially when Lauren's standing there, vulnerable and expectant.
"Lauren," she says again. I can't do that is what she should say, but instead, she says, "Maybe we should talk about this."
"Great," Lauren says brightly, and Summer feels terrible for not setting her straight. "But later, because right now Sasha's going to kill me if I don't get back on the beam."
Summer turns around, and sure enough, Sasha's standing a few feet away, watching Lauren carefully. Lauren shoots him a radiant smile, obviously fake, and climbs back onto the beam. Sasha watches her until she slides back into her routine, and smiles at Summer warmly before turning his attention back to the floor.
Summer hesitates, caught between them for a moment, and then makes her way towards Sasha.
"Can I talk to you?" she asks him. He looks over at her, glances back at the girls, and nods, leading the way up the stairs.
"What is it?" he asks, once they're safely in the office.
"There's something I think we need to discuss."
"About the gym?" he asks, and Summer nods before realising that he's not looking at her. Instead, he's looking out the window, his attention fixed on where Payson is readying herself for the vault.
Honestly, sometimes she thinks the girls aren't the only ones who need a break from this place.
"Yes," she says. "Sort of. It's about the girls."
That gets his attention. "What about the girls?"
"If you promise to keep an open mind," she says, and tries not to flinch when his expression hardens, "I'd like to suggest something."
She can't quite tell if Sasha is frowning, or trying not to smile. "I don't suppose this suggestion has anything to do with gymnastics?"
"Does everything around here have to do with gymnastics?" she asks.
"That's the general idea, yes," he says. "This is a gymnastics training facility."
"It's also like a second home for the girls who train here," she says. "Some of them probably spend even more time here than they do at home."
"That's also the general idea," he says.
"Do you really think that's healthy?" That isn't what she really wanted to ask, but it's close. "These girls spend almost their entire waking lives inside this gym, and I can't help thinking that kind of makes us responsible for them."
"Ah," Sasha says, like he sees her point before she's even made it. "And what kind of responsibility are we talking, exactly?"
"The most important kind of responsibility there is," she says. "These girls are young, and impressionable -"
"They're also dedicated gymnasts," he says.
Summer shakes her head; thinks of Lauren, who desperately needs guidance. "Even dedicated gymnasts can get distracted."
"By?" Sasha's stare is challenging, and she meets it without blinking.
"By their families. By their friends. By boys -"
"Boys," he says, as if he should have seen it coming. "I see."
"No," she says. "I don't think you do. You're their coach, not their friend."
"And I suppose you are?" he asks.
"No," she says. "But maybe I am someone they can talk to."
"Lauren didn't seem to have a problem talking to you this morning."
"I don't mean that kind of talking."
"So what kind of talking do you mean?"
Summer takes a deep breath. She's been putting off making her point, but it's now or never. "I think maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea to run through some exercises with the girls."
"So you're a gymnastics coach, then?" Sasha asks. There's no real bite to his words, but they still sting, as if he's making fun of her.
"Not gymnastics exercises," she clarifies, but she thinks she probably didn't have to. He isn't stupid; he has to know what she's getting at. "More like ... social exercises."
Sasha lets out a deep, coarse laugh. "You mean religious exercises."
"Not exactly -"
"This isn't Sunday school," he says.
"I wasn't suggesting -"
"I don't know if you've noticed," he continues, right over her, "but I actually have a few more pressing concerns here than making sure my gymnasts know their Bible verses."
"And you obviously haven't noticed what's going on with some of your gymnasts," she says, and takes a breath to steady herself. She isn't trying to fight with him, and even if she were, this is hardly the place for it. "And I'm not talking about the Bible. I'm talking about the girls' wellbeing."
"And I'm talking about my athletes," he says, putting emphasis on the word, "making the World Team. So, unless that's what you want to talk about, I'd say this conversation is over."
"Fine," she says. "Then I guess it's over."
And then she glances out the window, at Lauren, now practicing on the uneven bars.
"For now."
-
"What do you think that was about?" Lauren asks.
Kaylie ignores her, or tries to, but Lauren's already broken her concentration.
"I don't know," she says, halting her routine. Almost despite herself, she follows Lauren's gaze to where Summer's stalking out of the office, and back up to Sasha, standing in the doorway. "It's probably none of our business."
"How do you know that?" Lauren asks. It comes out even more snappy than usual, and Lauren's frowning, like she's worried about something. If Kaylie cared, she'd ask, but she doesn't, so.
"Because if it was," she says instead, "they'd be telling us about it."
Lauren hesitates, and it's all the opportunity Kaylie needs to climb onto the beam, taking a deep breath and trying to put Lauren out of her mind. It doesn't work out quite as well as she hoped, especially not when Carter walks in, his expression cold as he glances briefly at Lauren and then away again, his mouth set like he's deliberately ignoring her.
Kaylie doesn't want to ask. She's over it, she's over both of them, but -
"What's all that about?" she asks, and hates herself for it. "I thought you two were together now."
"We are," Lauren says, a little too quickly. "Besides, I thought you didn't care."
"I don't," she says.
"Fine," Lauren snaps, and before Kaylie can bother to respond, she's gone, marching away in the opposite direction from Carter.
Kaylie tries to forget about that, too, tells herself she doesn't care about Lauren and Carter. It works - at least for a little while, until her concentration slips and she can feel herself wobbling, and she tells herself it's just Lauren's drama distracting her. She finishes her routine, a little shakily, and hops off to see Austin standing in front of her, the same look on his face that he had when he told her he was worried about her.
The same look he had when he kissed her, but she's not thinking about that, either.
"Nice routine," he says, but his expression doesn't change. "You looked a little shaky on the dismount."
"Yeah, well, you can blame that on Lauren," she says, and then wishes she hadn't. His gaze shifts from her to Lauren, considering, but at least it's better than asking her if she's eaten today. "Anyway, I'm trying out some new stuff for Worlds."
"Want to talk about it?" he asks, and she doesn't think he's talking about the competition.
She shakes her head. "No, I don't want to talk about it."
"You sure?"
"I'm sure," she says, and breezes past him. Her shoulder brushes his arm as she does, and it's totally unintentional; he was just standing in her way. "There's absolutely nothing that I want to talk to you about."
She doesn't look around to see if that hurt, and she tells herself she doesn't care.
-
"Lauren."
Lauren stops, frozen on her dismount, and smiles at Summer. She knew Summer would come around. Summer and her dad are perfect for each other, it makes total sense that they'd still be in love.
"Is this a good time to talk?"
Lauren glances around the gym. Sasha's totally engrossed in Payson's routine, not even looking at anyone else, like he's barely even aware they're there. Perfect.
"Of course," she says, moving with Summer so they're standing off to one side of the floor. "What's up?"
Summer bites her lip, and Lauren falters, for a second; that doesn't look like the face of someone who's totally in love. Then she says, "I wanted to talk about what you told me the other day."
Oh. That. That is so not what Lauren wants to talk about at all.
"What about it?" she asks.
"Lauren, I'm worried about -"
"Thank you so much for talking to my dad, by the way. I know I should have told him, but I was just so scared, and I didn't want to get Chloe in trouble -"
"It's not Chloe Kmetko that I'm worried about," Summer says. "Lauren, I thought that when you and I talked about this -"
"I said I wasn't ready to have sex, I know," she says. "But then you left, and my dad started dating Emily's mom, and I just - I didn't have anyone to turn to. That's why I need you to marry my dad."
"You can always turn to me," Summer says. "Whether or not I'm married to your dad."
Okay, so this so isn't going the way Lauren wanted it to. "It's not the same."
"Yes, it is," Summer says. "I may not be with your father any more, but I'll always be in your life."
"Yeah," Lauren says, and she doesn't have to fake the disappointment in her voice. "Whatever. I've got to get back to training."
"Lauren -"
"I appreciate the concern," she tosses back over her shoulder. She's not that upset; maybe she just twisted her ankle or whatever on beam this morning, it really hurts. "But Sasha's riding us pretty hard, and he'll be really mad if he sees me talking to you instead of training."
That's not true - Sasha is still helping Payson, and she doubts he's even looked up - but it gets her out of this stupid conversation she never even wanted to have, so. Whatever.
The last thing she needs right now is to have another person tell her exactly why they don't love her.
-
"That was good, Payson," Sasha says, stepping forward onto the mat. "But you need to make sure your arms are fully extended."
He takes another step forward, reaching to help her, and freezes; just for a second, but Payson steps back, out of his reach. Her expression, full of embarrassment and rejection, hits him like a punch to the gut, and he looks away. At Kaylie, still practicing her beam routine, far too unsteady for his liking; at Lauren, stalking across the floor with a scowl on her face, and Summer behind her, looking as concerned as she'd been in the office.
When he looks back at Payson, she's smiling grimly, practicing her extensions as if nothing just happened, except for the way she won't quite meet his eyes.
"Payson," he says, and moves forward again; she doesn't take a step back, but she looks as though she's considering it. "About what happened yesterday -"
"It didn't mean anything," she says, before he can finish. She sounds resolute, determined, and he'd like to think his stomach didn't sink a little. "And it won't happen again. I just want to focus on my training."
"Okay," he says slowly. And it is okay; it's more than okay, it's great, it's exactly what he wanted to hear.
"Okay," she says. "So, things don't have to be awkward between us."
She says it almost like it's a question, and he shakes his head, hurrying to reassure her. "No awkwardness, I promise."
"Okay," she says again; this time, like she believes it. "Great. So, show me how I need to do my extensions."
He smiles, closing the distance between them, and places his hands firmly on her shoulders. Payson returns the smile, relaxing into his touch, and he tells himself, firmly, that there's nothing going on here, that it's no different touching her now than it's ever been.
Secretly, he wonders if maybe that's what he's so afraid of.
-
Summer finds him again just as he's about to head back to the floor, and Sasha looks up from the paperwork he was only half concentrating on.
"Summer," he says evenly. And maybe he's the one who should be apologising here, but it's all he can do to keep from shutting her down before she's even said anything, which is far less than she deserves.
"Hi," she says. "Can we talk?"
He wants to tell her that he's busy, that he should be getting back to the girls, that he's heard her argument already. He nods instead; maybe the least he can do is to hear her out.
"I'd like you to reconsider my suggestion."
"Forget it," he says. Maybe it's not exactly hearing her out, and maybe he could have been a little gentler about it - he doesn't miss the hurt look that flashes across her face - but it's still a bad idea. And Summer doesn't back down easily, so he needs to make his position clear.
"Sasha," she says. "These girls need someone to talk to."
"We tried that, remember?" he asks. For all that, he's not sure how much good it did; mostly, he doesn't think he really wants to know. "What they do with it now is out of our hands."
"That's exactly my point," she says. "We need to take it back into our hands. I'm really worried about some of these girls."
Sasha stops, at that. She can't be talking about Payson; that, he thinks, would be a whole other conversation, and probably not one he wants to have. "Is there something I should know?"
Summer doesn't quite meet his gaze, and he tries not to read too much into it. He never really figured her for keeping secrets.
"Is this about Lauren?" he asks. "I saw you talking to her earlier. If there's something I should be aware of -"
"This isn't just about Lauren," she says. "The girls are at a very vulnerable stage in their lives. I just want them to know there are other options."
"They have other options," he says. "They're called gymnastics."
"Sasha -"
"Summer, these girls need to focus."
"That's exactly my point," she says. "Rules are one thing, Sasha, but these are teenage girls -"
"These are world class gymnasts."
"Who are sixteen years old," she says. "And don't give me that famous gymnast self-discipline line again. I think we both know how well that turned out."
Of their own accord, his eyes track across the gym to where Payson is practicing her beam routine, and he turns back to Summer sharply.
She has a point, and it kills him to admit it.
"My girls are focused," he says. Even to his own ears, it sounds weak, like he's trying to convince himself. "They don't need any more distractions."
"This isn't a distraction," she says. She's wrong about that - so close to the World Team trials, the girls can't afford the time off practice - but maybe she's not wrong about everything.
Scratch that. Even through the glass, he can feel Payton's presence on the floor, wants to turn around and look at her. To watch her practice, to make sure she's comfortable with the new routine, but still - Summer definitely isn't wrong about everything.
"All right," he says, and Summer opens her mouth, her stance set like they're still arguing, before it seems to dawn on her that he's given in.
"All right?" she repeats, like she doesn't quite believe him. "You mean, you're going to let me do this with the girls?"
"Are you going to stop asking me if I say no?" he counters.
Summer's expression tells him all he needs to know.
"There you have it, then," he says. "Maybe it won't be all that bad for them to reinforce their self-control."
Maybe they aren't the only ones who need to.
-
"Is he kidding?"
Payson looks over at Lauren, who's stretching half-heartedly, paying more attention to Carter than to her exercises and trying to look like she isn't. "Is Sasha usually kidding?"
Lauren rolls her eyes, finally looking back at Payson. "We can't afford to just take a day off training."
"Some of us can't," Kaylie says pointedly. She isn't even bothering to pretend to stretch.
"I'm pretty sure this wasn't Sasha's idea," Emily says, before Payson can.
Lauren switches her glare from Kaylie to Emily. "Then whose idea was it?"
Emily looks up at the office, and they all follow her gaze. Up to Summer.
"Whose do you think?" Kaylie asks. "We're taking the whole morning off training to talk about abstinence."
Payson looks at her, and then at Lauren, who's got a weird expression on her face. Even Payson thinks she probably knows what that's about, and she sends a silent plea to Kaylie not to push it.
Kaylie must not have been listening.
"Of course," she says, "I can think of some people who need that talk more than others."
"All right," Payson breaks in, before they can start a full-on catfight in the middle of the gym. "I think we can all agree that this is a bad idea, right?"
"Right," Emily, Kaylie, and Lauren all echo.
"But what are we going to do about it?" Emily asks, and Payson takes a deep breath.
"I'm going to talk to Sasha."
"Do you really think he's going to listen?" Kaylie asks.
Payson shrugs. "We have to do something."
Besides, Sasha can't be any happier with this than they are.
She takes a deep breathing as she approaches him, standing off to one side of the floor, and he looks over at her expectantly.
"Payson," he says. "What can I do for you?"
It's not that she's hesitant about talking to him; maybe, she thinks, she should just approach this slowly.
"I still need to work on my extensions," she says. "I thought maybe we could do it this morning?"
His expression doesn't change, but there's a flicker of something in his eyes. "Payson," he says. "You know we have Summer's talk scheduled for this morning."
"But I need -"
"We'll work on your routine this afternoon," he says. "I promise."
"Sasha."
"This afternoon," he says again. His tone is firm, and so is his stance, facing her, his hands on his hips. Not backing down.
Payson doesn't back down, either.
"I can't afford to miss training," she says. "Worlds are just around the corner, and I need to be perfect. I need to be better than perfect."
"You are perfect," he says, and for a minute, her heart almost stops. It's stupid, and she pushes it out of her head.
"My routine -"
"You know your routine," he says. "Payson, you're ready."
She wants to argue more, wants to tell him that he's wrong, but the thing is - she feels ready. She is ready. And Sasha's been right there with her the whole time, so he knows it, too.
"I don't need to go to Summer's talk," she says, and her voice is less certain, now. "I thought that yesterday -"
Sasha flinches, almost, and takes a step towards her, lowering his voice.
"Payson," he says. "Do you think this is about you?"
Honestly, right now, she doesn't know what to think.
"What happened," he says, and his voice sounds every bit as uncertain as hers, "wasn't your fault. That isn't what this is about."
"Really?" she asks, still uncertain.
"Really," he says.
"So, I can keep training?"
"Not a chance," he says, but he's almost smiling.
"But -"
"Payson."
"This is ridiculous," she mutters. She doesn't expect Sasha to hear her, and she definitely doesn't expect him to respond.
"Be that as it may," he says, "this is mandatory. For all of us."
Payson stops. "Us?"
Sasha's half-smile twists into something else, something far less amused. It wasn't just a slip of the tongue, then.
"So," she says slowly, "we're in this together?"
And then he smiles again - a real smile, this time - and leans in, even though there's no-one around them close enough to hear. "Always."
-
"Any luck?" Emily asks, but she doesn't need to wait for Payson to shake her head before she knows the answer. Sasha is still just standing there, not ordering anyone to get back to training, and if that weren't strange enough, the look on Payson's face - still determined, but almost smiling, now - would be.
"Sasha says it's mandatory," Payson says, and Emily can't understand why she doesn't look more pissed off about it. "For everyone."
"Great," Lauren says, and Emily doesn't bother to turn around and look at her. She's put up with enough crap from Lauren to last a lifetime, she thinks, and now that their parents have split up, there's no reason she has to, any more.
"Do you think it's going to be bad?" she asks Payson instead.
Payson shrugs. "Let's just get this over with, okay, guys?"
She's talking to all of them, not just to Emily. Emily nods, but there's no response from Kaylie or Lauren.
"Look," Payson says, "I know this sucks. But the faster we get through it, the sooner we can get back to training."
"All right," Kaylie says, but she doesn't sound happy about it. Resigned, maybe. Once Sasha decides something, there's not really much hope of changing his mind.
And if Payson couldn't do it, then no-one can.
"Fine," Lauren says finally, and Payson nods, as if it's decided.
Emily takes a deep breath. This is going to be a long day.
-
Kaylie tries to look busy when Austin approaches her. Not that she wasn't busy already, not like she has nothing better to do all day than watch him, but, well. She doesn't want him thinking she's interested in him, even if it's not true.
"So," he says, when he reaches her. "Want to do it with me?"
Kaylie turns around to face him, her stomach churning. "What?"
"The activity," he says, smiling like he knows exactly what he said. "We need a partner."
"Oh," she says, wishing she couldn't feel her cheeks getting hot. "Right. Fine, whatever."
"Your enthusiasm is practically contagious," he says, leaning in so he's practically whispering it. It doesn't help her stop blushing.
"I'm not the only one who's probably contagious," she says, and at least that makes him pull back.
"Harsh, Cruz," he says, and raises his eyebrows suggestively. "So, want to do it with me?"
Kaylie rolls her eyes. "We're supposed to be practicing pick-up lines, and that's the best you've got? Really, Austin, I'm disappointed."
"Actually," he says, "I think we're supposed to be practicing refusal techniques."
Right. Which is about as stupid, if you ask her.
"Well," she says, "in that case, I think I'm done. I don't need any practice refusing you."
"No," he agrees. "You seem to do just fine on your own. Which is great for my ego, by the way."
"I could care less about your ego," she says. "Besides, it could use some deflating."
"In that case," he says, "you're going to have to do a lot better than that."
"Fine," she says, like she's taking him up on a challenge. "Let's just do this, okay?"
"Sorry," he says. "I can't, I'm fully committed to my gymnastics."
Kaylie laughs. "Now that's funny."
She expects Austin to have some comeback for that, but instead, he just shrugs. "You think I won Olympic gold by just screwing around?"
"Define screwing around," she says. "And yes, that's pretty much exactly what I think."
"You don't know me as well as you think you do," he says.
She could tell him the same thing.
He leans closer again, and this time, she tries not to let it bother her. "Maybe we should do something about that."
"Maybe you should get out of my face," she says.
If it stings, it doesn't show on his expression. "Or maybe I should just kiss you again."
Kaylie can't help looking around, even though he said it quietly enough that nobody could have overheard.
"And maybe," she says, "I should remind you about Sasha's no dating rule."
"Kissing isn't dating," he says, as if it's not against the rules just the same. "Besides, I thought you liked me."
"I think you like yourself enough for both of us."
"That wasn't a denial," he points out.
"Do you really want me to say it?" she asks.
He shrugs. "Not really."
Okay, then.
Besides, she isn't entirely convinced it wouldn't be a lie.
"For the record," he says, "I'm not just messing with you."
Kaylie stops, caught short with whatever retort she'd half-prepared, and studies his expression. His usual smirk is gone; if she didn't know better, she'd almost say he was serious.
"Whatever," she says. "It doesn't matter to me, either way."
"Doesn't it?" he asks.
There's an easy comeback to that one, but she doesn't have it. No sticks in the back of her throat.
"How about we make a deal?" he asks. "Come on a date with me, and I'll try to tone down my ego."
"And what do I get out of that?" she asks.
He grins. "You might actually have fun."
"Not much chance of that."
"Yeah, but you won't know until you try it."
It should be easy to say no; it's just one word, two letters, and it's right on the tip of her tongue.
She hesitates, just the same.
And then Austin's smirk is back, wider than ever. "I knew I could get you."
"Wait," she says. She hates being confused, and somehow, she doesn't think they're talking about the same thing, any more. "What?"
He waves a hand around the gym, and - she gets it. He's talking about whatever stupid activity they're supposed to be doing.
"I win," he says.
"I never said yes," she says, and she can feel herself blushing all over again. And then, before he can say anything else, "And I wasn't going to."
"Sure," he says. "Keep telling yourself that."
Kaylie hates him. She hates that stupid, smug expression on his face, and his stupid kisses and picnic dates, and the way his eyes still look like he's being serious.
But most of all, she hates that she nearly fell for it.
-
Lauren doesn't look around for Carter when they have to partner up, and not because she's worried that he won't want to be her partner. She's the one who doesn't want to see him; he couldn't tell her he loved he when it really mattered, and now it's too late.
She grabs Josh, instead, flatly turns him down when he tries about a hundred ways of inviting her to go make out in his car, and ignores him when he says yes to her fake proposition.
See, she can do this chastity thing, after all.
Still, she's glad when Summer calls for them to stop, and not just because Josh's breath is kind of rank. She catches Summer's eye as they all gather again, puts on her best smile, even though she's not really feeling it, and waits.
"That was really great, everybody," Summer says. Lauren moves as far away from Josh as she can; he's still looking at her. Pervert. "Now we're going to try something a little different. It's one thing to be able to say no, and it's great that you all can."
Lauren tries not to notice when Kaylie glances back at her, and she deliberately doesn't look at Carter.
"But it's also important," Summer continues, "to know why you should say no. I know that Sasha would tell you it's because you're gymnasts, and it's not allowed, and it'll damage your careers. And that's all true, and they're very good reasons to say no. But you also need to believe that saying no is the right thing to do, for yourselves."
She looks at Lauren, then, and Lauren can't quite look away.
"You need to believe that you're worth waiting for."
Right. So, this isn't embarrassing at all. At least nobody except Summer is looking at her, nobody except Summer can see the way her cheeks are probably turning a super unflattering shade of pink.
"I'd like a volunteer," Summer says, "to talk about a situation that's relevant to them. Something that's happened in your lives. Don't worry, we're not here to judge you."
Lauren sits back, relieved that Summer's not looking at her any more. She crosses her fingers that Josh doesn't volunteer; if she has to listen to his stupid, grating voice for even one more second -
"Lauren?"
Well, so much for being out of the spotlight.
I thought you liked the spotlight, says a voice in her head. It sounds a lot like Kaylie.
"Um," she says. It's not just Summer looking at her now. "No, that's okay. But thanks."
"Lauren," Summer says. "It's okay."
It's not okay, and Lauren waits for anyone to come take the attention off her.
Nothing happens.
"Fine," she says, but doesn't stand up. This is humiliating enough already. "There was this guy who I liked."
Half the people in the room turn to look at Carter, and she blushes even harder.
"Anyway," she says; maybe she can just get this over with. "He taught me that saying yes isn't worth it. It won't make people respect you, and it won't make boys like you, and it'll just make your best friend hate you, and everyone lies anyway so what's the point?"
She takes a deep breath, her cheeks burning. Maybe she should have just kept her mouth shut, even if everyone was staring, because this is way worse.
She's really, really glad she didn't stand up.
"Hypothetically," she finishes lamely.
"All right," Summer says, after a moment of silence that could have shattered glass. "Thank you, Lauren. I'm sure that's something we should all think about."
Summer doesn't look at Carter, and she definitely doesn't look at Kaylie. She doesn't need to see their expressions right now.
Suddenly, the last activity with Josh doesn't seem like it was so bad any more.
-
"Well," Sasha says, once he and Summer have a moment alone. "That was certainly interesting."
"I know what you're going to say," Summer says, "but don't. I think that was really healthy for her."
"Which part?" he asks. "The part where I had to listen to the dating habits of two of my gymnasts? Or perhaps the part where she humiliated herself in front of all her teammates."
"She didn't humiliate herself," she says.
"No, I suppose you did that for her."
It's going too far, and he knows it as soon as he says it. He rakes a hand across his forehead, wishing he could start the last three days over.
"I'm sorry," he says. "This was my fault."
"Sasha -"
"It's a bad idea, and I should never have allowed it."
Summer looks even more hurt by that, he thinks.
"I know you're not very religious," she says. He thinks possibly that's putting it a little too mildly. "But I thought you understood where I was coming from."
"I understand where you're coming from," he assures her. "I'm just not sure I'm coming from the same place."
"So why did you agree to it?"
He doesn't even know the answer to that. Except -
"Honestly," he says, "I couldn't tell you."
That much is true, at least.
"So," she says, "where do we go from here?"
"We go back down there," he says. He knows it's not what she meant, but this isn't the time or the place for that conversation. "I don't suppose I could convince you to call this whole thing off?"
Summer's silence is all the answer he needs, and he nods, resigned.
Back on the floor, he watches the girls as Summer talks. They're still smiling, but barely, and not at all in a way that looks convincing. They're as tired of this as he is, it seems, and he thinks that maybe he should have tried harder to end it; maybe he should have just said no to Summer.
The thought strikes him as being particularly ironic.
They gather into pairs, again, and he can see the silent shuffle as social hierarchies are delineated. Perhaps, he thinks, Summer's activities aren't doing the kind of good she thinks they are, not if this is the kind of behaviour they're reinforcing. His gaze sweeps across the room until it reaches Payson, standing to one side of the crowd. She hasn't got a partner, and doesn't seem to be looking for one; instead, she simply looks uncomfortable, like maybe she's hoping nobody will notice her if she stands still enough.
It reminds him, all too sharply, of the way she'd looked after her accident, when she'd walked back into The Rock, not sure if she belonged. He hated seeing her like that then, and he hates it again now.
Later, he'll tell himself it's the only reason he approaches her, the only reason for what happens next.
"Need a partner?" he asks, and he knows it's a bad idea almost as soon as the words are out of his mouth. Still, there's no taking them back now, and besides - as much as he'd like to pretend otherwise, he doesn't quite regret making the offer.
Payson looks surprised, for a second, and then smiles.
"Thanks," she says. "There aren't really enough guys here, and saying no to Emily just isn't much of a challenge."
She hesitates, then, seeming to realise what she just said, and Sasha raises an eyebrow.
"Um," she says. "Not that saying no to you would be a challenge."
He tries not to let that hurt - it shouldn't hurt - but she must read something in his expression, anyway.
"I didn't mean," she starts, and then, "I mean, not that saying no to anybody would be a challenge. I'm not interested in boys."
"That's good to hear," he says. To his ears, his voice sounds a little choked. "So, shall we?"
He realises, too late, that he wasn't actually paying attention to what it is they're supposed to be doing, and he has to look around for clues. At first he's just confused, and then as he starts to make sense of what's going on around them, it strikes him that it may, in fact, have been a spectacularly bad idea to partner with Payson for this particular activity.
"Oh," he says. "You know what, maybe -"
"Here," Lauren says then, and how she happened to choose this very moment to interrupt, Sasha doesn't know. But then, her ability to stir up trouble has always been uncanny. "You'll need this."
"A balloon?" Payson asks, clearly confused. Obviously she hasn't noticed what the other couples are doing.
"I blew it up for you and everything," Lauren says, like she's running down his list of possible excuses and eliminating them one by one. "Have fun."
"What are we supposed to do with this?" Payson asks, after Lauren leaves. And then she glances around them, and he could swear she blushes just a little. "Oh."
"Yeah," Sasha says. He'd like to think he sounds a little less embarrassed by it than she does, but that probably isn't true. "We don't have to - I mean, if you'd like, we can just sit this one out."
He expects her to agree. He wants her to agree, he tells himself. Repeatedly, on the off chance it will start to sink in. Instead, she says, "I thought this was mandatory."
"Yes," he says. "Well. I might be willing to make an exception."
Payson looks scandalised - comically so, and he realises that she's mocking him. "And what kind of example would we be setting?"
"You make a fair point," he says. And the thing is, he knows she's only kidding, that he could easily get out of this if he wanted to. But this is so comfortable, so familiar, that he finds he doesn't want to end it. "I suppose we wouldn't want to set a bad example for the girls."
"Of course not," she agrees. But somewhere underneath her easy smile, he thinks she knows more than he was trying to say.
"So, then, I guess we should -"
"Right," she says, with an odd blend of what seems to be nervousness and enthusiasm. "Okay, so - how do we do this?"
And the thing is, Sasha isn't sure. Intellectually, he knows they could just put the balloon between them and go, but he's well aware that there's more to this than simple mechanics.
"Well," he says, after a pause that's just a beat too long, and not quite uncomfortable, "it might help if you stood a little closer."
"Oh," Payson says, as if she's just realised she's standing three feet away. She steps forward immediately, reacting to his latest suggestion the way she does every other. "Okay. Better?"
Sasha nods, not quite trusting himself to speak.
"So," she says, and reaches out to take the balloon from him. "I guess we just -"
He can almost feel the latex of the balloon through his shirt, and it squeaks a little as Payson shifts, getting comfortable. The sound is impossibly loud in his ears, but nobody else looks around, so perhaps his perception is a little warped. It wouldn't be the only thing that is.
Payson's smiling a little, as if at some private joke, and he supposes it is funny, if you look at it from a certain angle. If he could pretend this was all just a game, that some part of him didn't just want to pop the balloon between them, he'd probably think it was funny, too.
"So, what now?" she asks. "Do we just stand here?"
That in itself would be bad enough, but unfortunately, he doesn't think that's quite the end of it.
"I think the aim is to, uh." He pauses, stumbling over the words, and wishing he weren't. "Not touch one another."
"We aren't touching now," Payson points out.
He's acutely aware of that.
"Yes," he says, because if he can't get himself under control, at least he can make light of it. "But we aren't trying hard enough."
"To not touch?" she asks. Her tone is dry, but her expression is distinctly amused. And that's good; if she can see the humour in this, so can he.
"Exactly," he says.
"Well, I guess we can't have that."
At first, it's little more than a joke; watching the people around them, mirroring their actions. He pretends the hairs on his arms don't stand up when her fingers ghost over them; her hands hover over his shoulder, his chest, and neither of them are smiling any more. There's a static charge in the air, like electricity, that he blames entirely on the balloon.
And then Payson sighs, pulling her hands back. "This is stupid," she says, and the tension between them seems to snap. "I don't even get it."
"I think the goal is to practice restraint." His voice is unsteady; it's definitely working.
"But it's ridiculous," she says, ever blunt. "You touch me all the time."
"I touch you as your coach," he says. It doesn't make it sound much better. "It's entirely different."
"No, it's not," she says. "You're still my coach."
"I think the point here might be to pretend I'm a man."
Payson rolls her eyes. "Of course you're a man, Sasha. I'm not blind."
"Oh?" he asks. And he can't help smirking, a little, though he'd stop if he could.
He meant to tease her a little, but she goes bright red. "That's not what I meant."
He's not sure what she did mean, or what he's implying she meant. What he does know is that this conversation is veering towards some very unsteady ground.
And he should put a stop to it. Definitely.
"I know what you meant," he says, and reaches out to her, taking her wrist lightly in his hand. Payson seems surprised, but she doesn't look away.
"Hey," she says. "We're not supposed to be touching, remember?"
"Yes, well," he says. "Just don't tell anyone."
It makes his stomach twist uncomfortably, but there it is.
-
Kaylie ignores Austin when he approaches her, balloon, in hand; she grabs the nearest guy she can find, instead, and tells herself she doesn't care if he keeps sneaking jealous looks over at them. If Austin thinks he's so great, he can practice not touching himself.
By the time Summer calls them all back again, she feels like she's been training all day, even though it's still only mid-morning and she hasn't even set foot on an apparatus. At least this is the last time, or so Summer says, and Kaylie lets out a low, relieved sigh. She's trying to get rid of all the drama in her life, to focus on her gymnastics, and none of this is helping.
She tunes Summer out, running through her floor routine in her head instead - at least maybe this way she can get something semi-productive done this morning - so she's surprised when she realises that everybody is looking at her, and that nobody is talking, any more.
"Kaylie," Summer says, as if it's not the first time she's called her name. "Would you like to run through the script?"
"Um," she says. "Yeah, sure." It's better than admitting she has no idea what Summer is talking about; she's half afraid that if she does that, she'll end up having to miss a whole day of training, instead.
"Great," Summer says. "And -"
"What about Carter?"
It's Lauren, obviously, and Kaylie shoots her a glare that Lauren flatly ignores.
Summer looks stuck, as if she knows exactly why that's a bad idea but not how she can get out of it without making the whole thing really awkward, and eventually she says, "Fine. Carter?"
Carter doesn't look at Kaylie as he takes a script. He does shoot a dirty look at Lauren, and Kaylie's not even sure if that makes her happy or not.
"All right," Summer says. Her cheerfulness is beginning to slip, Kaylie thinks. "Carter, whenever you're ready."
Kaylie rolls her eyes, and prepares to just get this whole thing over and done with. And then Carter begins to speak.
"The relationship was going great," he says. And then he does look at Kaylie. She wishes he hadn't. "And we never planned to do the things we did. Neither one of us, but we thought we were in love."
He sounds bored, more than anything else. That's good. She can get through this, if it doesn't mean anything.
"And love's a big word," she reads. She feels a little sick to her stomach, but she doesn't falter. "We said it early."
"And often," Carter picks up. "I loved her. I really thought I did. Nothing -"
"Would ever come between us." Kaylie swallows, bile rising in her throat. If she'd eaten anything for breakfast, she thinks she'd be vomiting right now. She can't handle this, not now, not after everything that's happened. It's just cruel.
She looks over at Carter, sending him a silent plea to stop this, but he isn't looking at her.
"But it was as if the bridge between us came down," he says.
"And we lost everything."
That one, they're supposed to say together, except it's totally out of sync. Typical, she thinks, and takes a breath, reading slowly.
"It's crazy how the mind works when you think you've met the one you want to spend the rest of your life with -"
She stops, then. She can't do this, she can't sit here and say these stupid words and pretend that it's all just some script, that none of it means anything. Ignoring the tears welling up in her eyes, ignoring the stares of everybody in the gym, Kaylie stands up and runs.
She doesn't hear anyone follow her, but she does hear Lauren's voice calling out to her a minute later. Great. That's just what she needs right now.
"Kaylie," Lauren says again, and Kaylie turns, blinking back tears.
"Go away," she says. "I really don't want to talk to you right now."
"Look -"
"Save it, okay? I don't need to hear whatever you have to say."
Lauren stops, looking almost hurt - at least, as much as Lauren is probably capable of feeling actual human emotions - but what she says is, "I'm sorry."
It's not what Kaylie expected.
"You're sorry?" she asks. She almost has to try not to laugh. "That's rich, coming from you."
Lauren doesn't deny the accusation. "That's not what I meant to happen, I swear."
"Then why did you do it?"
For a minute, Lauren doesn't say anything. And then she says, "I don't know. I guess I wasn't thinking."
"You mean, you weren't thinking about anyone besides yourself," Kaylie says.
"Maybe not," Lauren says. "And you can hate me, if you want."
"What makes you think I don't already?" she asks.
"Okay," Lauren says. "Fine. But I am sorry."
"About what?" Kaylie asks. "Sleeping with my boyfriend, or lying to me about it? Or dating Carter after you knew I wanted him back? Or how about humiliating me back there?"
"About everything," Lauren says. She sounds sincere, but Kaylie won't let herself buy it. "You have every reason to hate me, and that's okay, I'm used to it."
And then, so low Kaylie almost doesn't hear, "You wouldn't be the only one who does."
Kaylie can't forgive Lauren; she tells herself Lauren doesn't even deserve another chance. But they've been friends practically forever, and she can't make herself turn that off, either.
"You need to stop doing the things you do," she says. "Lauren -"
"You sound like Carter," Lauren says.
Kaylie sucks in a breath. "Can we not talk about Carter right now?"
"Right," Lauren says. "Sorry."
Kaylie waits, trying to force the words out, and finally says, "I'm sorry, too."
"What for?" Lauren asks.
"For not forgiving you," she says. "I keep holding it against you, and I'm trying not to."
"Yeah," Lauren says. "Well, apparently you're not trying very hard."
"You don't exactly make it easy, either," she says, and Lauren stops whatever it is she was about to say. Right now, Kaylie's pretty sure they're both right. Or both wrong, whatever.
"I know," Lauren says, instead.
"Okay," Kaylie says. "So, maybe we can both try harder."
Lauren almost smiles, and Kaylie has to remind herself to hold back; they're still not friends, not the way they used to be. But maybe, if they try hard enough, they can get back there.
-
"Okay," Summer says. "Fine, you can let me have it."
"What?" Sasha asks. The girls - all of them - are finally on the floor again, finally doing actual gymnastics, and it's a decent distraction. Since they've lost the entire morning, they need to work extra hard to catch up, which means he can't afford to pay any more attention to Payson than to any of them.
"This morning," she says. "You told me it was a bad idea, and I should have listened."
"Oh," he says; frankly, he's a little surprised. "That's all right."
"All right?" she asks. "It was practically a disaster."
"Well," he says, turning his attention away from Lauren on the uneven bars. "I suppose a couple of the activities were a little ..."
"Catastrophic?"
"Ill-advised."
"Sasha," she says. "At least two of the girls were practically in tears. In public."
"All right, it wasn't exactly a commendable outcome, I'll grant you," he says. "But it's over now."
"Is that really the best thing you can say about it?" she asks.
It's not, but he can't exactly tell Summer that. He looks over at Payson, practicing her floor routine flawlessly. Her extensions are perfect, now, and he tries not to regret the lost excuse to touch her.
"That's what I thought," Summer says, when he doesn't answer her. It brings him sharply back to the moment, and he tears his eyes away from Payson.
"Summer," he says, before she can leave. "I do understand what you were trying to do."
"Right," she says. "You just don't agree with it."
"I," he starts, but he can't really argue with her.
"That's all right," she says. "We'll talk later?"
"Yeah," he says. His stomach feels a little heavy, as if he already knows what's coming.
"All right," Summer says, and gives him a small smile before she turns away.
As much as he feels like he should dwell on that, he can't help turning back towards Payson. She's looking over at him now, smiling brightly, and his feet seem to move almost without him telling them to, until he's standing right in front of her.
"Did you see that?" she asks. "I think it's really coming together."
"I saw it," he assures her. "Payson, I told you you were ready."
"Yeah," she says, as if she's just starting to believe it. "Sasha -"
There's a moment's pause, and he thinks she steps a little closer. Or maybe he does.
"Thank you so much," she says.
"Don't thank me," he says. "You did this, Payson. You."
"And I couldn't have done any of it without you," she says. Her words are innocent enough, but there's still a charge in the air, as if that damn balloon is still between them. He thinks, almost amused, no touching.
"I think I'm going to run through it again," she says, putting distance between them easily, as if whatever he might be feeling is only in his head. But her expression, he thinks, tells a different story. "Will you watch?"
"Of course," he says. "We're in this together, remember?"
Payson smiles even wider, moving to the centre of the mat, as if she's comfortable there, now.
"Always," she says, and begins.