Batman v Superman

[amathela]

Non-spoilery reaction: Well, that was certainly a thing I just watched.

Spoilery reaction: WHY DID BATMAN USE SO MANY GUNS WHAT. Do you know anything about Batman. (I mean, obviously they know that HIS PARENTS ARE DEAD, because obviously we needed that backstory rehashed yet again.)

ALSO: DID THEY JUST MAKE JIMMY OLSEN A CIA SPY AND THEN KILL HIM? Because according to the end credits, yes, yes they did. What the everloving shit.

Going into the film, I was terrified they were going to screw up Wonder Woman. Walking out of it, I'm pretty sure she's the only thing they didn't screw up. I liked the Greek warrior aesthetic she had going with the armour and sword and shield (AND THE LASSO OMG!!!!!). I think the whole gold band motif they established with her earlier outfits were actually a really nice and relatively subtle way to establish the character. And, yeah, I am sooooo into Batman/Wonder Woman. Which I generally am anyway, but they really worked for me in this film.

Which is just about the only thing that worked. BATMAN USES GUNS AND KILLS PEOPLE. SUPERMAN IS GRIMDARK MCANGSTYPANTS. And Lex Luthor is ... well, whatever the hell that was. Not pretty, at any rate. Doomsday as a villain (and Darkseid by extension; though he didn't appear in the film, he's set up pretty clearly as being the next big antagonist) is overused to start with, and he wasn't used well here. A mutated version of Zod created by Lex Luthor in a gross spaceship!womb is NOT HOW YOU MAKE DOOMSDAY. (Although, I'll admit, if the film had given me Lex Luthor cloning and repeatedly murdering a baby, I might be more forgiving of the whole thing.)

And the plot ... was there? Actually, probably about six plots were there; the whole thing was simultaneously meandering and aimless in parts and ridiculously overstuffed in others. Also, I'm pretty sure Zack Snyder thinks he's the first person to have noticed that Clark and Bruce's mothers have the same name, because wow did he think that was clever. Overall, it met my very low expectations more or less exactly. If you've seen the trailer, you know exactly what movie you're about to watch; there are absolutely no surprises here.

Some silver linings to end with:

AQUAMAN LOOKS SO FREAKING COOL. AQUAMOA. IT'S TOTALLY A THING.

Another thing I loved about the film - that wasn't technically *in* the film - was the implication, real or imagined, that the rest of the Batfamily does or at least could exist. Batman is explicitly old enough to have spawned his various legacies (including Damian), and one Robin at least (I'd be shocked if it wasn't Jason Todd, given the givens) is shown to have existed. Plus there's the cut footage with Jena Malone as Barbara Gordon, which according to rumours may yet be included in the DVD release. Pretty much the only Batfamily member who's *unlikely* to exist in some form without major handwaving is Tim Drake, given that this Batman didn't seem particularly inclined to take on a another Robin after losing the last one. (Which is fine because TIM DRAKE DOESN'T KNOW HOW DOORS WORK and he is stupid and can stay out of this universe, craptastic as it is.)

WONDER WOMAN DID NOT SUCK AND THE WONDER WOMAN MOVIE MAY NOT SUCK. I mean, between this and Man of Steel, this universe is hardly off to a great start, so maybe the chances aren't great, but at least it probably can't be worse?